It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
