it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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