his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
