Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize