there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
