he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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