Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
