I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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