That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
