I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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