I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
