I need help removing her.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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