My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
