She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
