We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
