Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
