after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
