just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
