pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
