end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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