Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize