This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
