Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
