I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
