Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize