i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You ate ashes out of my bong
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
