fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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