Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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