ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
