Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
