dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
