Sry I called you an 8
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
