Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize