just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
