idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
