Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize