I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
