ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
