I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
okay pat passed out under dana's car
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
