I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
