have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
