Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize