dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
