Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
