Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
