You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
