I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
