you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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