i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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