She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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