He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
