I accidentally had phone sex last night
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
