Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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