Where did you get a picture of my penis
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
