he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
