dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
