Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
