Me too!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We need to rekindle our bromance
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
