I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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