dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
