life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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