You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
